As I grow older, I learned to observe myself consciously, to understand my beliefs and actions as a young woman.

Discussing the book "Captivating" with Teacher Anne got me to delve deeper into my heart and ask myself who I am as a woman. The authors say a woman yearns to be romanced, to be rescued by a brave prince/soldier/hero. A woman desires to be beautiful and to be loved.
Interesting.

I question myself if that is what I genuinely want. What do you think?
My conclusion after our first book discussion?
My strength is my weakness.

For once, I am not proud that I always seem so strong in front of others. It is a gift, I must admit, but it can be a curse as well, especially when you refuse to let yourself to be vulnerable to the help of others.

Another thing I realised? I do not like people breathing down my neck, pushing me to do things within a time frame. I like to set my own slow tempo. Chill. Relax. Be slow. But apparently, this will be my downfall especially when everything's changing too fast.

So I thought hard about the "jobs" where I could take my own sweet time completing my responsibilities.
I could only think of 3.
1. Taitai
2. Housewife
3. NTU cleaner

Oh great, I think I better start to do things quickly. I don't want to be in these 3 "jobs"!
Buck up Esther! Don't procrastinate already!

Parting shot: Look at my nails when I play the piano this Saturday.
Brought to you by Char, unofficially sponsored by Skin Food. Heh.

Fuddly duddly me lost my laptop last night.

When I realised that I lost my laptop, I panicked. My homework, my past assignments, my photos, my church planning info, my music - they're all inside!
Overturned the stacks of papers on my desk and floor and nooooooooo, my black laptop case was no where to be found. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I told myself no, I mustn't panick, I must pray!

So I mumbled to God, "God, please. please. please, not this."
I'll be still and know you are God.
Calming down, I thought of the places I have been to and miraculously, vivid images of me toying with my laptop case at different places on that day started to form.
Ditto! I left it at Dhoby Ghaut station!

A series of frantic calls and a seemingly polite and calm email to SMRT later, my laptop was found. Yep, a very kind soul returned my laptop to the station officers and didn't pull an Edison Chen on me! Well, not that I have THAT sort of photos in my laptop but you never know how perverts can doctor these photos.

Thank God! Always be still in Him.

Yep it's the Recess Week (term break). How I wish I can bask myself in the wide expanse of the skies and the sea's limitless horizon. Ahhhh. Relax.

But not now I guess.

Singapore 2010 is new thing!
OHMYGOODNESS.
OHMYGOODNESS! Singapore gets to host the FIRST ever Summer Youth Olympics! I am so proud of Singapore.
With the Youth Olympics, not only do the local youth athletes benefit (competing on home ground is a HUGE advantage), we plebians get good stuff too.
Remember the IMF/WB meeting that was held in Singapore? Singapore's Orchard Road was donned with so many gorgeous blooms. People were more polite and smiley (4 million smiles campaign. Ha.). Singapore just felt better in general.

So, when the Youth Olympics arrive in 2010, I'm sure Singapore's overall infrastructure will improve... and this means that old and disorganised Causeway Point has to get a revamp!
Why Causeway Point?
Because one of the events (Modern Pentathlon) will be held in the Singapore Sports School (in Woodlands, where I reside) and perhaps some tired athletes would like to visit the nearest shopping centre for some quick bites and shopping. So where's the nearest shopping centre?
The old and disorganised Causeway Point!

My suggestions:
1. Repaint the whole building. The weather-beaten building looks tattered.
2. Organise each level properly.
3. Make B1 a foodhall please.
4. Bring in better, more established shops like Shihlin and Mr. Bean. And Zara. AND a Life Bookshop or Mount Zion! I just don't understand why Mount Zion moved out of Causeway Point a few years back. I thought business was okay.

So yea, management of Causeway Point, please ah, UPGRADE.

I realise my favourite genre of book is not humour, but mystery/thrillers.
I always thought that I enjoy a good, humorous and witty book, but in the end, I find it hard to finish reading them because my interest diminishes after a few cheap laughs from the dry wit. So I thought hard about books that had me riveted for hours.
And taaa daaa, mystery/thrillers were the ones!
But of course, to laugh is comfort.
So, I'll still buy books that can send me giggling.

Once Borders offers its 40% discount, I'll go buy A.J Jacobs' "The Year of Living Biblically". Lest you think this is a book on how to live like a Christian zealot, you are wrong.
In fact, its subtitle which read "One man's humble quest to follow the Bible as literally as possible", hinted that it was an irreverent literature that pokes fun at Jewish and Christian fundamentalism/extremism.

To live literally according to the Jewish Bible, he kept apart from his 'impure' wife during her time of the month and wanted to stone adulterers(!!). But well, of course, in modern day, how can he do it (in New York)? So he picks up a pebble and accidentally drops it on the foot of someone he thinks is an adulterer!
HAHAHA.

So for those who interpret the Bible literally and not contextually, Jacobs is making fun of you!
Jacobs admitted that he is not a religious person but this book actually revealed some timeless truths about faith.
Yes, I'm going to get it sooner or later.

**
Wants VS Needs
I have learned to prioritise the things I buy according to Wants and Needs. Money keeps creeping out of my account like a cockroach so I told myself I must find out what went wrong.
Root of the problem?
I have been satisfying my Wants and not my Needs. For instance, I would buy snacks and biscuits to munch even though I finished my main meal and wasn't hungry.
I would buy clothes that I'd only wear occasionally instead of investing in clothes that can be also worn on normal school days.
I shall curb my senseless spending on Wants!

**
While talking to Angie on my home from worship practice, it dawned on me that I have been out of secondary school for 5 years already! 5 whole years. It seems like yesterday I took my O'Levels.
Goodness, I feel old already.

They say if we do not give thanks to our Lord, counting only our (endless) complaints, we'll turn into ugly, wrinkled and petty grouches.
If we only remember the lazy project team member who gives you all the work, or the last minute quizzes you get from lecturers, or the bitchy girl next class, and you don't recall the stunning sunset you've seen at the beach or the way the yong tau foo aunty smiles at you when you patronise her stall, you lead a sad life. A sad sad life.
Life will be so un-beautiful.

I thank God for...
1) Great friends around me who's so willing to be helpful and loving.
On Valentines' Day, I received a pretty bouquet from Weiching and a cute little flower bookmark from Denise - I feel the love! I have close chums - Angie and Chuan, whom I can share deepest secrets with. I have generous Cindy from church who would never hesitate to give us a lift. I have Yue, who's so thoughtful, indirectly teaching me to appreciative towards people around me. The bonus is that Yue bakes well and her occasional baked treats never fail to perk me up.
There are too many friends - real friends whom I want to mention here. But I shall not be long-winded.
Still, every one of them played a crucial part in making me who I am. And I thank our Lord for those who consider me as a friend.

2) Godma
She's one of my major blessings in life. She takes care of us like her own children and buys us cheese and milk so that eat them and grow taller! When she shared in my church today after attending the lesson on hearing God's voice, I was moved. Mom told me she's usually timid, so her act of faith today by sharing on stage spurred me to be even bolder for the Lord.

3) My CS100 (Fundamentals of Communication Studies) module
This module is never a drudgery to take. My prof, Hao Xiaoming brightens up everyone with his jokes and lively demeanour. Despite his stay in US to pursue his Masters and PhD, he still has occasional slips in his English because he is still very much a China Chinese.
For one of his powerpoint slides, he made a mistake that got us students giggling.

When teaching us on how to listen to others, one of his slides should read "Being Mindful" on top. Instead, it erroneously ended up as "BeiJing Mindful"!
I thought he was being patriotic but it turns out that it was a Microsoft spell check error!
And to that, Cecilia quipped "So much for being mindful!"
Hahaha!

I have so many more things to be thankful but these are the ones for now.
Things are getting better and I'm so glad I do not have to worry about certain complicated matters now.

Full force ahead for the rest of the semester! In the words of Sarah, "GPA 5"!

The current song on my playlist now - Love Song by Sara Bareilles
It's impossibly catchy!

I am hopeless;
hopelessly pinning for my gastronomic love - desserts, cakes in particular!

A meal is incomplete without a sweet thing rounding everything up. What escalated my desire for a good dessert/cake is the English carrot cake I have been slowly savouring for Chinese New Year. Godma's relative baked it and she bought it for my family as CNY gift.
Oh the luscious, tangy cream cheese on the carrot cake tasted divine. Looking at the baked wonders of Mom's cake recipe book has also driven me to a sugary high.

Sadly, this is a dangerous desire. Cakes are calories-laden (all the butter...), sinful (there's a reason why a certain cake is called Devil's Food!). Eating them in excess can make your tummy so round you can't see your toes. Terrifying.
My weakness for food (and that includes desserts) can sometimes shroud my desire for God too. Yes, food can be a trap for me.

Self-control is key. Still, I hope to bake an English Carrot Cake during my Recess Week. Perhaps I would bake a few cupcakes with colourful icing too! Yum.
I hope I don't burn the oven though :P

Talking about sweet things, I just caught 27 Dresses and I love the flick! The best romcom I've ever watched! This is one romance story I wasn't bored to tears.
The dresses are gorgeous and I think Jane's (portrayed by Katherine Heigl) fashion sense is fabulously New Yorker chic. The plot was fun and it has a beautiful and apt ending, unlike the musical Shanghai Blues which left me high and dry.
Its ending was like... WHATEVER. Abrupt. Like a meal without an appropriate dessert.

I shall not harp on the tragic fact that I paid 600% more for this musical, as compared to the movie. Blah.

Well, to end off on a brighter note, I wish everyone a prosperous, sweet and blessed rest of the Lunar New Year!

Our thanksgiving session

(Some of) My cousins :)

Denise - THE Singer!

Diva #1

Making a wish...

We attest to the yummy factor of the cupcakes!

Birthday Girl with the Presents!

*I shall update more on my Lunar New Year soon!

Fooling around with secondary three girls is not easy.

But that's the value of youth!

channeling our nigel barkers in the toilet with Angie's semi-pro camera

My mom says the girls are really pretty. The future for Renewal young chaps looks promising with them around!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Aren't we cute? :)

The weekend is here!

I found just the right remedy to perk myself up after a sick and tired week.
Music!
I tuned in to 987fm after nearly half a year. A few rock/pop songs really put some life in my weak bones! I am a rock chick after all ;)

Liberation comes this weekend!

I better spend more time with my cousins because they are going back to Auckland soon.
School and work have really eroded my social life.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening, I teach students English/GP.
Every Tuesday and Thursday, it's prayer meeting and sometimes, worship practice in church. Of course, prayer meeting is spiritually refreshing, but when you have to travel back home, the long journey just spoils it all.
My weekdays are rarely free and my energy level is always drained. That's why I look forward to the weekends.

Recharge!!!

Thank you Lord, I'm completely healed of my irksome flu/cough/fever! Yay!
Bak kua, here I come (with some restrain)!
I love bak kua.
What's Lunar New Year without the good ole charred piece of meat?
If bak kua didn't contain obscene amounts of calories, I'd gobble up the whole packet I have at home!

**

I hope Weiching recovers soon... She just fell sick :( Poor girl.