Schadenfreude - shameful joy

"To have envy is human, to have shameful joy, devilish."

Schadenfreude is about pleasure that is derived from the misfortunes of others. The likelihood of you feeling schadenfreude is when you compare with people around you who are about the same as you in age, social background and exposure.

I hope to never feel like that. But we can never say. Have you secretly had a twinge of pleasure when you see your classmate doing not as well in a test/exam? I have. I guess you feel that when you compare.

If we have no basis for comparisons, schadenfreude will not occur. Like for example, when someone's favourite grandmother passes away, will you derive pleasure? No. Because you may not even have a favourite grandmother. Moreover, it is a death! If you gloat, you are seriously off centre.

When you see an adult friend losing a huge sum of money in the financial meltdown, do you derive pleasure? No. Because she is an adult and you are still a student. So there is no basis for comparison. So, what you will feel for her is immense sympathy and helplessness.

But face it, we see so many people who are so similar to us. They are clad in jeans and tee, have the same hairstyle, share almost the same opportunities as you (or at least this is what our meritocratic system is making us think). There are endless platforms to compare.

Comparison is inevitable.... Unless you know who you are.

If you know you are unique, one-of-a-kind, would you bother comparing?
Because you are already the pinnacle, the best.

Sadly, a lot of us always forget about this intangible truth when we see the tangible entities and listen to what other people say.

Fact is, we are all unique, the best.

Someone asked, how can God create everyone to be the best? I am the best? That means there must be someone out there who is "better" and maybe just a "good"?

Now if we think like that, we are bounded by our human intelligence, looking at yourself according to human measurement.

In the supernatural realm, why isn't it impossible for everyone to be the best?

So quit having schdenfreude. To say it nicely, it is human nature, but if ever such a thought creep in to me again, may the Lord chide me and renew my heart!

My exams are over! After sitting for 3 papers in 3 consecutive days (this is my tightest schedule ever in uni), I feel so tired, so boy, do I feel good.

I think I really do work better under stress!

I spent my last couple of weeks to study and study... I restrained myself from blogging even when my thoughts are exploding about the Philippines massacre, MM Lee Kuan Yew admitting that he was WRONG to pursue the bilingualism policy (ahhahahaha, finally), and the many other things I've read.

I was really motivated since it's my second last official exam period. It helps that I am only taking 4 subjects this semester too! Also, De Ren dropped by my house one evening with strudels and donuts for me and my family, specially to encourage me on! Happy! With good, sweet stuff, I am always happy!

This is really one exam period that I feel good after handing up my papers. I finished my essays well on time. :) by God's grace! No matter what results I get, I know I have done my best in all my papers.

Shall let down my hair and enjoy this moment!

Rejoice with me~~ Wheeee~

Currently grooving to Kris Allen's cover of The Script's "Live Lke We're Dying"! It's on repeat mode everytime I come online!

Presenting the MP for Keat Hong, Mr. Zaqy Mohamad... and me!
Finally done with the interview with him. (:
He was an amicable and sincere man, who occasionally peppered his words some close-to-heart Singlish.

Credits to ZX for taking this picture for me. I think I need a haircut. Ha.

Eh, the background is a bit funny but this is the room I interviewed him in! Hahaha..

Before I interviewed him, I met up with the girls for lunch and tea because Prisci just got back from Sydney.

Today is Treats Day.

We went to TWG at Ion for tea and actually bumped into Huiching's mom just when she was able to leave. She left but then she returned again while we were seated comfortably having our tea, and offered to foot our bill! It was really gracious of her. When I start to officially earn my keep, I will learn how to do just that!

This time round, I had crème brulée tea. I really like it because it is white tea and not too heavy on the palate. Besides, it smells really like crème brulée! Didn't have their pretty pastries though because I was really full from the chicken rice we had at Far East Plaza (thanks Prisci for the treat!) and the Yami Yogurt topped with granola.





Eh, not sure why my gorgeous LX3 pictures are so grainy when it is uploaded to Blogger -.-

Pity Yue can't join us because she is rushing a paper that is due on this day itself :(

But well, we'll all meet up again after our exams, I hope! Because with clashing schedules, we might only be able to meet during mid December!

What a difference a night of reading the Bible made.

Last night, I wrote slightly depressing stuff about my life.
But not willing to succumb to the pressurizing thoughts, I read the Bible before I slept.

And how faithful is my God!

He spoke to me through this in Exodus 14:14

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still"

This is said by Moses and its context is set when the Israelites were running away from the Egyptians, who were pressing against them very closely, and before them was a huge sea that they couldn't cross.

They were in a pressurizing situation. They probably were panicking and were filled with anxiety, just like how I felt last night.

So, I was still before the Lord. And He granted me a good night's sleep, with no anxious or depressing thoughts.

Now, I am okay!

I am now looking forward to watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway" later :P

I wonder how is it like to further my studies in Biology or Chemistry. They were the only non-Arts I enjoyed in secondary school and I had pretty good grades for them in O's.

Or, perhaps, I could have studied Business, find a nice job in HR or marketing or accountancy, and earn a good living.

You know, sometimes, I wish I wasn't an Arts student.

Don't get me wrong. I am enjoying what I am studying but it's just that the content is making me so cynical, critical and helpless.

Because as an Arts student, I have so many ideas exploding in my mind all the time, ideas that aspire to break free from the system of things, ideas that would challenge dominant beliefs in society.

Yet, I find myself unwittingly sucked into THE SYSTEM, the norms and practices of the society.
And the worse thing is, I can't do much about it.

Would life have been easier if I were to stop having these ideas which results from a lot of reading about ideals from philosphers, sociologists?

And probably, studied something that just allowed me to discover the wonders of nature, instead of the gross inequalities of the world?

I am looking back, and wondering, if I had chosen the alternative path, would life have been easier?

Life would probably be simpler. I would be satisfied with The System, since I am part of it and it is rewarding me well. Ideas to change it would not exist.

The Arts student is placed in a position where we look at The System from the third-person point of view, which is deeply disengaging, as if I don't belong to it. The more I know how The System works, the more I detest its practices.

Sigh. I don't like it when I get into these serious contemplation modes.
Blame it on the dreary weather.

Okay, back to studying.

But before that, think I ought to seek God first. He has the answers about what I should do with my deep thoughts.

A Sociology course mate recently posted this video of TEDtalks on Facebook featuring Alain de Botton, a philosopher from UK. TED is an academic organization dedicated to "Ideas Worth Spreading", and they have invited many famous personalities to give talks to an by-invitation-only audience on global issues, entertainment, technology...blahblahblah.

To get to the point, in this video, Alain de Botton discusses candidly about why we are suffering from career anxiety, meritocracy, how envy stems from the sense of equality and espouses an alternative philosophy of success.

If you take just some time to view it, you'll be convinced to find your true value as a person and determine your own yardstick of success.

Very inspiring.

Some interesting excerpts from the video...

"Snobbery is a global phenomenon... What is a snob? A snob is anybody who takes a small part of you and uses that to come to a complete vision of who you are."

"The opposite of a snob is your mother."

"It'll be very unsual for anyone of you who would be envious of the Queen of England, even though she's much richer than anyone of you are, she has a very large house... the reason why we don't envy her is because she is too weird, simply too strange."

These couple of weeks have been frenzied.
A flurry of deadlines for research, interviews and getting 1500-3000 words essays written.

Today is the last essay I am submitting for this term!
Yay!

But rest doesn't come now. Exams are in 2 weeks' time and it's time to revise.
Deadline for Graduation Project data collection is looming too... on 24 Nov, same day as another of my exam! :~(

Still, I am thankful because this week, I managed to secure a face-to-face interview with a MP, Zaqy Mohammad for my Graduation Project! (: Wow! When I emailed him, I whispered a simple prayer for God to open paths and there, got it!

I need to come up with interview questions that can help me guide my Grad Proj thesis. So I have to start reading up old materials from my "Power, State, and Politics" module... which is buried in my storeroom for 3 semesters.
So yea, another two weeks of frenzy again!

I don't know how I can do it. Seriously, I am contemplating paying someone to transcribe my interviews. Transcribing interviews is mad crazy I tell you!

I look forward to December... or maybe not. I don't know. I'm actually kind of happy that I am busy now.

I mean, this will be my last few moments of studying so I'll make these last 2 weeks count!

This is Survivor:NTU.